Want that relationship? Here's how.

Heckrock

Judging people on the 50-100 profile words & 3 pics isn't effective. Studies tell us we need go get out more. Sure, the internet is a great place to learn about a great many things, Napoleon's campaign or The Epic Rap Battles of history, or even James Webb's new frontiers of space, but it is notorious bad at teaching us about people.

How many times have you dated someone you felt was promising only to find out months or even years later that they were someone totally different than you thought? We often don't give ourselves the chance to be surprised by people in a good way. Most people are terrible judges of characters & the online dating world has only reinforced that bad habit.

They flip through profiles at lightning speed, dismissing anyone who has a bad pic, the wrong religion, the wrong political party, or because they see a photo of them on a mountain & they happen to be introverted so they figure the other person might be outside too much for them. All valid points, but valid only after a couple of dates. TRY these people out. How much time anyone actually spends politicking, or being religious, or mountain climbing may not be indicative of their profile. Maybe they just answered the question &/or thought it was a cool pic.

Oddly enough in my life the people I've had the most success dating were the ones I never thought were my type. I learned to expand my tastes out from 5'7" blonde, long hair, no braces, no glasses, with a flat stomach & nice booty (age 18). I have met amazing women who were overweight, or had bad teeth, or had short brown hair, etc. At the time I kept thinking (ehh I can do better). You know what? Most of us aren't looking at the right things because that's the reason we end up with so many toxic people. All the good ones that aren't toxic are taken. At this point you're going to have to settle & that is even after expanding your pool.

Don't let the stories of "I met my dream match" fool you. It's for clicks. Maybe a few in a thousand do. But relationships are always about settling & compromise & they ALWAYS have been. My great grandparents met once, married the 2nd time & stayed together for 60 years. Same with my grandparents. Was it perfect? No. But we need each other today as a society more than ever to combine our wages, raise our children, work multiple jobs, etc. That is going to require you to settle down early & stick with it. 

I lost a good one at 26. We have TOO MANY CHOICES & we are tricked into thinking we can just try another flavor. Humans aren't ice cream. When you find one that's decent. Keep it. When you see one you don't know. Taste it. 3 dates for pretty much everyone before choosing to move on & you'll reach your goal decades quicker.

Good luck! I hope to see some of you out there on dates! 

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